My days of empty schedules and endless cuddling with my sweet baby girl are slowing coming to an end... I go back to work on Tuesday - and I am a bit heartbroken about leaving my love for a full 8-5 plus travel to and fro.
A bit of background information - When I considered applying for my current position with my employer earlier this year, I knew I was pregnant. I honestly did not think about having leaving my baby-to-be behind until a couple days before my interview... then I reconsidered my interest in the job altogether. After much prayer and discussion, I decided that I would disclose my pregnancy in my interview... and also say that in order for me to accept the job (if it were to be offered) some pretty specific needs of mine would need to be met. I felt at peace with this and knew that if it was the right position, and employer, then God would take care of the rest. I prayed that God would give me the right words to say when making my requests during my interview, and that God would open the ears of my interviews and make them open to a creative work arrangement. Mr. Whimsy and I agreed that if it was God's will then it would happen, and they would be receptive to my needs, and if they weren't, then it was not the right situation for our family.
I got a call a couple days later with a job offer that more than met my needs. God had a better plan for our family than even I could imagine.
I accepted the job, and until my maternity leave, have enjoyed the position, the challenges and the work/home life balance it has provided me.
Fast forward to last week... in the middle of church, I realized that I only had 12 days until I left my baby and I couldn't help but shed a few tears. Since then, at the mere mention of going back to work I tear up. I have been really struggling with letting go to say the least. I know going back to work is the right thing to do but gosh darn-it, its going to be tough.
In full disclosure, I will be able to work from home two days out of the week and Mr. Whimsy will be able to stay will Mallie for the majority of the other three days, at least at the beginning. The days he can't keep her or has to go out of town he will try and bring her to one of our parents house, and if that is not an option, we found a really sweet lady at our church, The Ark, that will keep her as needed. So, I know I do not have it as bad as many moms that go back to work and have to bring their baby to a day care... but still, letting go is really hard for me.
When I finished typing the above, I got up to cook dinner... and I had a revelation of sorts, and since I already wrote the above, I figured I would continue to share. Here goes: Going back to work and leaving Mallie is going to be hard, really, really hard. That being said, when I accepted my position, I prayed long and hard about whether or not it was right for me and my family. I was offered more than I expected when offered the job; it was obvious to me and Mr. Whimsy it was very much God, not merely man at work making the arrangements. God would not have set up the perfect situation for me in order for me to fail once I got to the finish line (with the finish line being the time I go back to work).
SO, in conclusion, I know that: 1. God's fingerprints are on my work arrangement and 2. God wants what is best for my family. So, following through with my work arrangement is what is best for my family. As a Believer, I have to trust that, and my actions have to reflect that. That does not mean it will be easy but, for now, I know its right.
This week as I prepare to "let go" and next week as I actually head off to work are going to be huge struggles for me. I would truly appreciate your prayers for strength, faith and wisdom as I take these next steps. If any of you super moms have suggestions or advice for me I would REALLY love to hear it!
Until the big day, I am going to get as many lazy morning snuggles in as possible... who can blame me with this girl being my snuggle partner???