Sorry in advance if the below is too graphic and/or disgusting for you... but I have been told I should try and chronicle my pregnancy, and unfortunately, this tale is one for the books.
I sank to a new, desperate, low this week. In a (not so) fun experiment, I combined the loveliness of a nasty 24 hour virus with the mobility of being a 31 week pregnant person. The results were pretty disastrous and I would not recommend it to anyone.
Without going into the ugly details (too much), I am pretty sure, had I not lived it myself, I could probably find humor in some of the situations so here goes...
Tuesday (also knows as night of doom for me personally) in Texas were the primary elections. I have always been interested in things political so all day I was very excited and anxious about the results. After work and house/animal chores, I decided to meet Mr. Whimsy and one of his colleagues at a local pub to see the early results of voting then we would proceed to an election night party. As soon as I arrived at the pub, I told Mr. Whimsy that I was so anxious my way over I almost had to pull over to get sick. We both laughed this off as an extreme pregnancy side effect... if we only knew... and I ordered a coke and fries to settle my stomach (carbs have been my friend anytime I have felt sick since getting pregnant).
We headed to the election night party and I kept telling Mr. Whimsys that I must have had too many fries because I felt really full. As soon as we got to the party I got a little "normal" pregnancy sick - no big deal, I have that 3-4 times a week. I tried to enjoy the party and less then 5 minutes later, I was in the bathroom getting really sick. Thankfully I was the only person in the restroom at the time so this was not big issue. I cleaned myself up and tried to rejoin the party because I knew Mr. Whimsy really wanted to be there (and I was his ride). I'm a pretty sweet wife huh? :)
Another 5 minutes went by of my trying to be friendly, visit with folks and put up a good front of being a happy normal pregnant person. Then, the gurgling in my stomach began again and I made a mad dash to the restroom... until I was stopped on the way by some more of Mr. Whimsys colleagues. I put on the most genuine smile I could muster, said hello and exchanged pleasantries as quickly as possible then darted off before I made a huge disgusting spectacle of myself.
I (barely) made it to a restroom stall in time to get sick in a more appropriate place. I knew I was in it for the long hall so I had some decisions to make during the few seconds I had between losing the contents of my stomach... do I kneel on the floor or just hover over the toilet and try the best I can to avoid getting my dress dirty? Is kneeling on the floor even an option (I was in a public - albeit clean - restroom for goodness sake)? If I were to squat would people see me under the door when they walked by, if they saw me (which they of course would), how much of my butt would I be exposing? My vanity was long gone but I decided to go the standing/hovering route (for the sake of others that my come into the restroom) and tried my best to simultaneously not touch anything and not pee my pants. It was quite the challenge - but it got worse.
As I stood/hovered over the toilet, I heard two ladies come into the restroom, talking about the election results. Thankfully around this time my stomach decided to call a time out and let me have a few seconds to recover. I made the split decision to be quiet and let the ladies think they were the only people in the restroom at the time. Fatal mistake. The two obviously thought they were in private and proceeded to have a LONG conversation about the election results, their opinions, etc. Halfway into hearing what they thought about the potential for an election run-off, my stomach called halftime over.
Now I was challenged with being 1. hovering/standing while getting sick, 2. not touching anything, 3. not peeing my pants, 4. being silent. Fun huh?
Thankfully as the second half kicked in, the ladies finished up their business, which in turn, let me finish up my business and get the heck out of town (literally, I told Mr. Whimsy he had to find another ride home and I was outta there).
The next 24 hours were filled with a misery I have only dreamed about in my worst nightmares. Thankfully, that misery is behind me and today is a new, healthy day. I had my regularly schedule doctors appointment Thursday and she gave me a clean bill of health - so long as I would get some fluids into me.
My advice to pregnant women everywhere is pretty simple: avoid virus' like the plague. Trust me.
